My strive for perfection and how I rekindled the passion I lost as a teenager

So if you know me well I have always been this person whose always full of energy, some say crazy, I say eccentric ;).

Not many people know but I've strived since a little girl to perform, I love everything to do with performing. I used to sing a lot at home (yep proper mic and all), in primary school in front of the class, I've performed at Croydon Fairfield halls, I took part in every school play possible (I even got lead role as Sita in a play about Rama and Sita), had a keen interest in dancing (I took dance and singing classes for a while), my life ambition as a child was to be a singer, I went to choir club after school and trained with the vocal coach of Girls Aloud as a teenager, I did cheerleading at university,  I did street dancing classes, I bought the pussycat doll dance DVD's, I will use any excuse to sing karaoke and my guilty pleasure is using the karaoke app on my ipad (shhhh...).   Don't even get me started on musical instruments, as a kid I wanted to learn violin and flute. I can play recorder (does that even count?) I taught myself to play some piano, some guitar, some bass and a very minute bit of drums. What can I say, I've done everything!!!

I was a very energetic happy confident child, I wanted to participate in many extra curricular activities such as gymnastics, ballet etc. (to think where I could be now if I had got given those opportunities). *sigh* But some things have changed...

Along with growing up, my dreams were left in my childhood, my confidence peeked and dropped a lot through life and I became a realist, I've got no ambition to be a singer anymore (I said I enjoyed it, I never said I could sing), however being this creative person that I am, It wasn't long before I had to find new ways to express myself (tattoos, piercings, my apparel are great but I felt like something was missing). Pole dancing, burlesque dancing, street dancing, I've dabbled in it all, but never stuck at any of them. I still kept searching for that thing I am missing, that flare of passion that makes me want to get up everyday.

A couple of years ago, I heard of a fire troupe called "the fuel girls", at that time I was also dabbling in alternative modelling and had a keen interest in admiring and idolising suicide girls and FRONT magazine models. They were what got me into researching and looking into fire performing and such. I looked into classes they were so expensive I could never afford them, so i looked into alternatives, I came across poi!

Last summer I started up poi, I bought my first pair which had LED's in, I watched Youtube videos taught myself stuff, then I bought a poi book that teaches you different techniques of poi spinning. I worked on this for a while and then I went to Thailand. I took my poi with me but never had the time anymore to practice, then I found out one of my friends I trained with in Thailand also was a poi spinner, this got me passionate we performed a routine for the talent show, (she even taught me a new move) but I still felt such a novice, I admired how good she was and me being a very impatient person got bored of trying to learn new moves I couldn't master.

As time went on my interest in poi dwindled, then one day I picked them back up because travelling to Koh Samui seeing fire performers got me inspired again! I practiced now and again not as often as the beginning but stepping back and leaving them for a while and coming back to it had somehow made something click, because the one move I had been trying to master for so long just happened, I dunno how but my muscle memory changed and It worked!!

The lightbulb moment.

At present, I've taken a break from poi again, I just feel like I need to step back again because I'm progressively getting frustrated with not being able to do new moves. But then something amazing happened and I had an epiphany, just like I had this great life changing moment, when realising all along my life calling was teaching and everything in my life had pointed to becoming a teacher.

It suddenly dawned on me what other new skills I could try and teach myself, it hit me as a kid how good I had gotten with a hula hoop, I used to hoop on my legs, waist, neck, arms, I could toss and catch etc. It never really occurred to me that hooping (dancing and hula hooping) could be something I would love, whats awesome about hooping is, I could integrate all the things I loved into one thing, performing, dancing and fitness!! Theres even some hoop moves that replicate poi (weaves etc.)

So here I am, trawling the internet on every video and website on hooping. I just ordered my first weighted travel hoop, dying in anticipation for it to arrive! This is going to be the beginning of a new beautiful journey!!!

One day I would like to proudly perform at this standard!

Nightmares and Negativity

So Its 5.29am precisely as I start writing this, I've been awake for 2 hours if not longer because I was abruptly awoken out of my sleep, heart racing, disorientated, the lot!! So yeah I just experienced a nightmare, some reason lately since I've been back to London, there's been an increase in frequency of nightmares, before these episodes I can gladly say I don't remember the last time I had such graphic fear driven nightmares (I don't even remember when I had one full stop) I really wish I knew what the cause is to these nightmares, because in all honesty, I'm finding it hard to deal with them. I'm constantly having restless nights too.

Anyways as you do, once you're awake first instinct is to check your phone and do a little surfing online. I come online to facebook to be met with a status from a so-called friend bashing me about 2 hours earlier (whilst i was long asleep). Now this wouldn't of bothered me so much if it wasn't for these various reasons:

1. I've known her since about 12 years old.
2. She was coming across 'holier than thou' as if somehow writing a status about something so trivial I had written, would  make it look like she's standing up for some sort of cruel injustice.
3. The fact she posted a facebook status about me full stop. (I'm not some girl you just happen to have befriended on fb through some weird twist of fate)
4. The fact this status then entails others to comment in agreeance on how I'm this monster, I've been wrongfully made out to be (isn't that some weird fucked up way of bullying?)

Now the old me would have gone in guns blazing, 10,000 statuses of cursing, sarcasm and retaliation. But I again realised that would just wind me up more, get me nowhere and probably start world war 3!

So I decided to be the better person, I sent her a message, this to be precise:

"I would appreciate it if you don't write a status making a dig about the way i worded something i posted, using the words "real" and "man" in the same sentence is justified when referring to pictures that are pieced together of different people, or do you think someone with Gerard Butlers face, Justin Bieber's hair, Ronaldo's legs is a real human being? That stuff you were talking about only has any meaning when you aren't posting about it on a status bashing someone else, that alone defeats the purpose of your status. Im disappointed that I've known you a very long time that you would resort to something so childish. Hence why i deleted you. No doubt you will write a status about this too. Remember just how negative you come across when you post statuses about people who you call "friends" and how that makes you look. You can tell yourself that you are standing up for your beliefs but posting a status about it is hardly admiral, lets be honest. The admiral thing to have done is to have messaged me about it if you had an issue with it, which you shouldn't because if you knew me at all, which i thought you did, you know I'm not that judgmental person, you just painted a bad image of on your status. Im Sorry but I've had enough witnessing all the negativity you post about others. I hope you realise that posting on fb is how you start conflicts rather than solving anything. I wish you all the best."

Now I'm not pretending that I wasn't p*ssed off to the complete maximum (the sheer audacity) but at least (well i hope) I tried to come across as positively as one can do when they are fuming. Plus being someone I've known a while I think she needs to see from another perspective, what she is constantly doing to people she calls her friends. Plus I have every right to defend myself!

Whats amazing is after writing that, I feel at peace. So yeah, positivity does goes a long way! You can get angry its just how you express that anger, it will either make you or break you.

Peace x

Cherry's back from the dead!

My bad...

So yeah I went AWOL for over a year to be precise (oops..), sorry about that guys, my heads been a mess. I had graduated from uni, I put on loads of weight, I was in a dark place for a very long time, my long term relationship had ended after 6 years and I had no idea what to do with my life or what I wanted to do with my degree.

Then this miracle happened, I won a competition abroad to train in Thailand and work as as a qualified TEFL teacher, there's more on that if you check out my travel blog here.

Cue the violins...

Anyway, the real reason why I'm here is to have a bit of a bitch and moan and just to update you lot on my life, obviously a lot has happened over a year so, I'm going to try my best to compact this down as much as possible.

This is mainly going to focus on why I'm blogging again and that is because I have put a SHIT ton of weight over the past year and this is not me being a girl about it and moaning because I put on a couple of kilos. I'm talking from a UK size 12 to a UK size 18!!! I was fully aware after dissertation I was packing the pounds on, but in all honesty I had no time to eat at home, sleep a lot or leave my seat in the university library. I was really depressed and had started locking myself in my room at weekends and drinking everyday to cope (this was for various reasons, mainly because I was back on the dating scene and every bloke I thought was decent turned out to stamp on my heart on top of the stress of dissertation deadlines). I had come across one guy who was so manipulative and controlling, me being so vulnerable at the time, lets just say he really milked that situation.

Anyways back then I must have been a 14 approaching a 16. Then I won this competition thinking not to worry it will sort itself out go to Asia, eat asian food, lose weight :D During TEFL training yes I genuinely think I dropped a few pounds but it all started to pile on again when It ended :( I left England already at an overweight 89KG (which already had been the heaviest I had ever weighed), I returned back to London weighing a good 95KG.

Coming home...

Well I came back to London after experiencing more ups and downs than a yo yo in Thailand and I knew I had put on some weight but the realisation didn't hit me until I tried to put on clothes I missed wearing... It quickly dawned on me how much weight I had put on. The good news is, I was determined before getting back to London to lose this body fat I had gained. 

Pushing to the limits...

I got straight back on the clean eating and 5 day High Intensity Interval Training and at first it was fucking hard! I'm no going to lie, being pumped full of oil, refined sugars and processed food for 4 months and then going cold turkey is pretty hardcore!! It was a fucking struggle, I had mood swings because I missed certain foods, I would still give in to cravings, I hated myself in all honesty, I had left myself get that big and that weak and not even realise.

The silver lining....

So finally we get to the good part, that was 8 weeks ago now I started the process, I still go through the struggles of cravings now and again, but I have progressed!! I'm stronger, I've lost girth all over my body. Now i'm not saying that I am satisfied, I am far from it! But I am still so determined and seeing notiecable progress in reps etc. feels fucking amazing. I can gladly say I have dropped one dress size already, so I'm now back to square one where I started my fitness journey 3 years ago!! But I also forgot the uzz i get from working out and reaching a goal and seeing changes in my body.

Which leads me onto...

The Epiphany...

During this journey so far, I've noticed a change in myself I decided along with the food that doesn't belong in my diet, nor does negative behaviours. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but the changes in my mood and thinking has changed also, I'm a lot happier, I'm more comfortable with myself, I find joy in seeing others happy. Sometimes I do get hit with the emotional stick (beaten with it more like) but we all have ups and downs and how you deal and recover from it is important. I literally had an epiphany, just when I thought I couldn't be anymore positive, I was hit with this thought that totally blew my mind, when I say a thought I mean like a feeling but with more purpose. (I probably sound like i'm talking c***) It's just very hard to explain. It happened and I am astounded things could get this good.

Until the next one...

To end this ramble, these blog posts will be more of a regular thing now... I want to jot down my fitness journey and anything else that is blog worthy in all honesty!!! 

Be prepared for more positivity coming your way.

Peace! x

Famous Makeup Haul

As you guys know me by now, I love a bargain and I love dupes. I am all for high end brands too, but being a student I hardly have any money to splurge. So I discovered this brand Famous cosmetics, they were in superdrug stores at one point and I remember them but every time I wanted to purchase something, everything was cleared out off their shelves because of popularity, this was before they re branded. Anyways I discovered their website and everything on their website is on special offer (if i had the money i would have purchased all the blushes, their palettes, compact mirror and all their facial products). I'm really obsessed with blushers and bronzers at the moment. So i purchased all their baked bronzers and shimmer bricks.

As can been their package is amazing, its a gorgeous reflective mirror effect screw top lid with a leopard print design on. The leopard print seems to be universal across most of their packaging. So stylish and absolutely lovely to carry in your purse and whip out for everyone to admire!

Inside you can see there a built in mirror, they do come with mini brushes in each i haven't really tested them out, they are cheapo things but soft and not scratchy so could be used just for on the go. There used to be another shade of these but unfortunately it got discontinued. But they could easily be dupes for MAC Mineralise Skin Finishes.

Bali

Miami

Hawaii

Swatches of all 3 baked bronzers

As you can see the swatches show how pigmented they are Hawaii is slightly on the orange side but can be used as a blusher rather than an all over face bronzer but could work great on deeper skins in that way. These swatches don't have glitter in them they have a lovely finish and are shimmery but not over the top. just as long as you use the products sparingly. Miami is very faint so can be used all over the face like a M.A.C MSF. These will leave a dewy finish so would not be ideal for contouring or if you have oily skin.

I'm so in love with these shimmer bricks, for one, they are great dupes of the Bobbi Brown Shimmer Bricks, secondly the shimmer bricks are versatile and there's so many colours packed in each the possibilities are endless with these you can pick and choose which colour you want to use and they can be used for eye shadows as well as for the cheeks. Therefore, it is great for travelling as you can grab one of these and save carrying a load of products, plus the mirrors are great for touch ups. I love the look of the compacts I think they look really attractive, older generations may not like it but that would be down to personal preference, if you aren't liking the packaging these could easily be depotted and no one would know ;).

Again with these and as the name of the products imply, they are shimmery and they are very pigmented so be cautious when dipping your brushes into these as your face will look like a disco ball if you pick up too much product.  They blend out beautifully though and give a subtle hint of colour to the cheeks, its great if you love a dewy finish, and eliminates the need for an illuminator/highlighter on your cheek bones. I also love the names of their products as they are named after Famous people just like the brand name, I think its a nice touch.

Swatches of them separately and sweeped together shown below:

Lady Shimmer Brick

Lady Shimmer Swatches

Rihanna Shimmer Brick

Rihanna Shimmer Swatches

Mariah Shimmer Brick

Mariah Shimmer Swatches

Beyonce Shimmer Brick

Beyonce Shimmer Swatches

I love the brand and the quality of makeup is superb, I will purchase again, I am even thinking about buying some of their blushes and palettes for a friend.
Overall the products are pigmented and silky, they are also not dusty, so you wont be wasting product. Highly recommended for beginners and anyone who loves shimmery cheek products without glitter or obvious shimmer. Definitely comparable to high end products!

Products can be purchased from here.


Below is a link to my youtube Xmas haul video which features these beauties! Enjoy!

£1/$1 Lime Crime Poisonberry Dupe Lipstick!!!!

Hi guys so today I bring you like the name is suggesting a dupe for only £1/$1 depending on what country you are in. As we all know Lime Crime create magnificent lipsticks, I myself own 3 as they came as a set. But I have had my eye on the babette, geradium and the one i have wanted the most is Poisonberry since it was released. I decided I was going to purchase Poisonberry out of my xmas money but I found myself coming into the predicament that to buy it off a UK website including p&p costs a whopping £16 and I did not have much cash going spare, so i decided not to rest until i found some dupes for them, I founds some close dupes for babette and geradium (they aren't too hard to find) but they were not close enough for me. I then came across the posionberry dupe on a youtubers page that goes by the name of "shyfacediva". 
I liked her comparison and review, so I went ahead and bought myself the dupe.

The dupe itself is by Kleancolor and is called the Kleancolor Everlasting Lipstick in shade "Fiesta".

 My initial thoughts on this lipstick is the packaging, we all know its nowhere near as beautiful as a lime crime lipstick packaging but what it lacks in packaging it makes up for in the lipstick. 

• The lipstick has a glossy finish like no lipstick i have ever seen before on the lips mimicking the lime crime version. 

• The scent is of an artificial cherry smell but I rather like it!!! It tastes not too bad, like cherries then slightly like perfume, but this does not bother me, (I've experienced bitter tasting lipsticks from higher end brands like UD). 

• The lipstick is extremely moisturising (like no other lipstick i have ever used) and even when drinking and eating it stayed on alright instead of completely being ruined. But due to the finish of this lipstick you will have to expect re-application.

My only niggle about the packaging is even when the bullet has been twisted completely down it is still exposed (see picture above) and when replacing its lid, it can be easily damaged, so you have to be extra careful. (see youtube video link below to see what I mean).

I purchased the lipstick from ebay on xmas day (link is in the description bar of my youtube video) and it arrived 2 days after xmas!! This lipstick came from America, i was extremely shocked about how fast it arrived!!!! Not even stuff I have ordered from the UK have arrived yet at that point!

Below are some swatches of the lipstick, the swatch on the top is of 1 layer and the swatch below it is after 3 layers. The lipstick is extremely pigmented and buildable. 

With flash

without flash

I can safely say I have fallen in love with this lipstick and the brand itself offers a vast range of colours, I will definitely be purchasing more of these amazing lipsticks! 

This is what it looks like on my lips unfortunately, my camera seems to turn gorgeous Burgundies into a more red tone rather than staying true to its purple tones, but you can get an idea of the texture on the lips. 

Here's my quick review on the product on my youtube!!

Enjoy!!

Cherry x

My NYE Makeup Look

Hi guys HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! So i know I havent written a post in a while (since last year to be precise lol) i have been so busy with university amd i still am, due to this being my final year. I am glad to say I only have 3 months of uni when i return, but no rest for me as I have to start my dissertation.

However, I have given myself some slack and I went out for NYE with friends upto London to watch the fireworks. This is the makeup look I did:

 

 

Products used:

FACE:- Foundation: L'oreal Lumi Magique in "Golden linen"

Concealer: Rimmel Wake Me up Concealer

Blush: Milani Baked Blush in "coralina"

Contour powder: Bourjois Delice de Poudre Bronzing Powder in "Tanned" 

Lipstick: MAC Viva Glam Gaga 1 & 2

 Eyebrows: hd Brows palette

 EYES:- Eye Primer: Sleek Primer Palette-Silver

Transition crease colour Manly 120 palette: Matte warm reddy brown

Outer V colour/crease: Urban Decay eyeshadow in "Blackout"

Lid colour: Urban Decay eyeshadow in "Evidence"

Gel Eyeliner: Shu Uemera Painting liner in black

Mascara: Maybelline the colossal volum express in "black"

Brow Bone Highlight: Urban Decay "Virgin:

LIPS:- Lipstick: MAC Viva Glam Gaga 1 & 2

These are the nails I did as i was eager to try out the illamasqua nail polish I was given but I also wanted something really sparkly in aid of NYE.

Barry m polish in "Amythist glitter" & Illamasqua polish in "jo'mina"

My Winter Skincare/Foundation Routine!

Hi guys so i was requested to do a foundation routine from a friend and I thought face prepping should also be included because no-one just applies foundation.  Below is one of my lates vids go check it out!!!

Enjoy!!!


Cherry x